This Season

I remember those times when Christmas was about presents and I was disappointed most Christmases because I didn't get what I wanted.

I attempted to find fulfilment and lasting happiness in materialistic gifts. The happiness was fleeting. I wanted to feel complete and satisfied. I never got that and I always wondered why. 

Everyone always remind me about Jesus and his birthday and how It was his day. I always found it annoying. But the older I got the more I understood that happiness does not come from gifts. It comes from love. Love given by family, friends and Christ. True, genuine love is more than the giddy feelings. It's about unconditional love. Loving the good, bad, ugly, pretty, messy and clean parts of our soul.

 In a world that thrives on the "feel-good" motto, holidays are robbed of their true meaning. It has turned into being about spending, buying, pleasing,and satisfying. We buy gifts for people simply to please them. We panic thinking they need to be of high quality and expensive. We spend money we don't have to buy things we don't need.

That is what our world is. No longer is it about family, or enjoying others company because technology has robbed us of company. 

We shouldn't want to wait until the holidays are over. We should enjoy the time we have with people we seldom see because immediately it could call be taken away from us. Death is inevitable and we spend a large portion of our life bitterly complaining about family. 

Family is not perfect but it is what you have, they may not love you the way you need to be loved but be thankful for the family you have. Whatever holiday you celebrate, look at the good though it may be difficult and count what you have instead of what you don't have. And in this, you'll discover the happiness you attempted to get from presents when you were a child.

Life lesson learned in three weeks time

After running my marathon, it was like my life has fulfilled its purpose and everything sort of stopped.

I had stopped running, I was still "recovering" two weeks after the marathon. I made up more excuses, woke up later than usual. And l felt lazier, cranky, stressed and overwhelmed.

Needless to say I had set goals, accomplished them but failed to continue on after.

This would take discipline, a lot of it. God supplied me with the grace to wake up each and every morning during the summer to train but I simply could not for the life of me have the discipline during this time. Maybe school, extra curricular activities and church played a part because that needed my energy but I definitely was being a baby in denying my body the exercise it needed. Sure I went to the gym but it was not the same.

You need discipline not just for running but for anything you want to accomplish. As for me, I struggled with consistency. It made me question what I was running for. Did I run for goals, or for health and sanity? 

I made up plenty of excuses and oh how all of them were baloney. I HAD the time to run, I HAD the support to get up in the morning; my mom runs several days of the week; so what stopped me? 

To tell you the truth, It was laziness. It has gotten the better of me. Once you identify the problem, it is easier to fix. If you cannot pinpoint your problem, the first step is to recognize it.  

Running clears my mind and give me sanity. It makes me realize the world will not end if I fail. I am human and striving for perfection is okay but I am not perfect.

Everything will come together with patience, dedication, passion and hope.

No longer will I lay in bed those hours I could be running, I will be productive.

No longer will I waste my precious minutes on reckless social media, I will make a schedule and discipline myself to follow it.

Life is yours to add meaning to it. You can do so many successful things in life and may still feel like you haven't "lived life". You may never "accomplish something great" as defined through the eyes of society but if you love life, those in it, you have accomplished much.

You are the one who adds meaning to the life you have been blessed with. Make the most of it, do no dwell in misery but keep your eyes looking forward and never give up hope. Practice discipline, avoid excuses and get back into life. The best is yet to come. ✨

Virginity and Purity...What's the difference?

Okay, so I stumbled upon an article dealing with these themes and while reading it I became inspired to define as to what many people in society confuse.

To say that one is a virgin doe not imply they are pure.
You can be a virgin as much as possible, but if you have impure thoughts, have impure intentions then you are not pure.
There is a difference.
Many people confuse these and combine both together.
To no longer be a virgin is to have sex and lose your virginity.
However if you do not directly have sex, but talk dirty, send inappropriate pictures, fantasize, lust and have impure thoughts you are not considered pure.
To be pure is something you are constantly working on.
To be pure means working towards purity every day. Choosing to be selfless over selfishness is pure. To serve someone out of the goodness of your heart because they are a brother or sister in Christ rather than to please them, is pure.
This does not have only to do with our sexual intentions but with any part of our life.
To think good of others rather than judge them, is pure.
To not be greedy, or selfish is pure.
To give and not expect something in return is pure.
As Christians were are called to have pure of heart and this is what it means.
Granted, this is not easy but it is what we are called to do.
To be pure of heart is greater than all the riches in the world we must strive for it daily and not settle for the minimum amount of work.

We must not allow virgins to think it is okay to continue to internally sin. If you are doing something to better benefit you, that is not pure intention.Give give give and love love love as Christ has endlessly loved us.

"Blessed are the pure of heart for they shall see God" Mt 5:8

Loving the stone throwers

All else put aside, vulnerability.

How comfortable must one be with this in order to get through life? 

What is God calling us to do? 

One thing we must recognize is that we are not from this world. We are in it but not of it. This is not out final destination, having said so, we will suffer. We are going to hurt, we are going to struggle.

we are called to struggle, constantly.

Family, oh family, how beautiful and yet breaking.

Iron sharpens iron.

Family is people destined to be in your for to help you on the road with holiness.

Christ did not pair us up with these people for pure enjoyment.

In some way or another, we will lead each other to heaven.

We do this through prayer, intercession, guidance and healing.

No matter what happens, no matter what you go through, YOU are responsible for showing Christ to your family. YOU are responsible for showing what authentic LOVE is.

Authentic love is loving through thick and thin.

If your sister criticises you; LOVE her.

If your parents belittle you; LOVE them.

If they do not show you any support through hardships; LOVE them.

Oif your family does not show you love; LOVE them.

This Is extremely crucial because it only shows that Christ is first and foremost our true love. The one whom are supposed to be In union with. This is why  mass is so important, the Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith.

Our heart must break, we must be hurt, so that we may rely soley on Christ. Do not expect love and comfort from earthly beings. Seek from God first.

He is the most important in our life. With him as our center, we can get through anything. 

Our hearts will break, yes several times and the beauty of that is Christ has expirienced all we will. 

He has a plan for all this.

As comfortable as we are in complacency. We are called to suffer on different forms. 

Love, give give give love.

Receive first from Christ.

This will only strengthen us into the person God is calling us to be.

It WILL be emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically draining at times. But The Lord will provide graces.

All glory to his honour and name.

My journey thus far: marathon in training

About this time last year, an idea to run a full marathon sparked my brain. The desire slowly came and to actually fulfil this turned my wishful heart to being coated with determination. It could have been all just talk. I wouldn't be able to train until May of 2014. I kept on repeating my future dream to others. And it was so often said that I felt as if I did not fulfil it, I would be a failure for advertising it,and not following through with it. 

I dreamt of all that would come along with completing a marathon; cheers, applaudes, supportive family members, tears and pride. 

So May 2014 came around and I put together a schedule. I began my training. I was alone in this. In training I mean, I would be training alone there was no one else whom I knew that would be doing this.

When I told my family what I was about to do, they simply nodded their head. Not surprised, yet not fully against it.

As training continued, I felt as if people didn't take me seriously. I doubted my purpose for doing this. 

(Early in May I promised a good friend of mine that I would run my marathon for her sister who had been recently diagnosed with cancer) 

"Out father does not inspire us to do anything that cannot be done" St. Therese of Leisuix 

When I first read this, my thoughts went straight to my marathon. 

There is not one dream that isn't God based. He places desires in our hearts for a reason. This entire time I had forgotten that with Christ anything is possible.

He believes I can do this, and so if he thinks I can accomplish this, then I can.

This quote sparked a new rejuvenated feeling of determination and preserverance to continue with my training. Granted, training for 5 months is not a breeze but so worth it in the end.

With that being said, if The Lord places a desire in your heart. Pray about it. "Lord of this from you let it stay, if not take it away" 

With Christ, nothing is impossible. 

New Insight on clothes: how little clothing means back then and now-a-days

Today during prayer I read about the death of a saint. The death itself was brutal as mostly all are, but the thing that caught my attention was something I have often overlooked.
I noticed that many saints were killed with little clothing on.
In the description of their death, it is said that the soldiers "stripped them of their clothes"
I read this many times in history books and knew that when clothes were being torn off, it brought upon humiliation, mockery and embarrassment due to the fact of how properly clothed they were back then.
To show one's skin was not common. They were covered mostly from head to toe (considering the time era and where exactly there were in the world)
For time's sake let us say we are talking about AD 250
How they would kill Christians varied but many times- as I have stated before- they would take off their garments leaving them with almost nothing on.
So, wearing little clothing was humiliating due to the fact that one was exposing himself to the world.
Let's fast forward to today's day and age.
Granted the times have changed and we no longer dress as people did however the radical-ness of how one properly dresses oneself is baffling.
To think that there was a time in society where wearing little clothing was humiliating, embarrassing and shameful and how people freely choose to do that now!
We see people walking around with bottoms as short as 2 inches, see-through shirts, stomachs exposed, backs bare as if it means nothing.
This has become normal.
The body was once a mystery and treasured, only showed to their betrothed and to think that now 95% if not all of our skin is exposed for the entire world to see?
It seems as if showing skin now means prideful, and as if accepted into today's society.

I often have felt as though I am being looked at or judged for dressing modestly and sometimes old fashioned.
Perhaps it is because I have no desire to show every part of my skin to the world,
perhaps it is because I am consciously aware that depending on what I exposed means I am giving permission to be fantasized after
perhaps it is because I want people to know me for my intellect and dignity not my body,
perhaps it is because I may have a similar mindset to the people back in AD 250.

Where is Life in society?

Our world is full of paradoxy.
They say one thing, but do another.
We have too may people in charge, too many people telling us what to do, what is in, what is out, what is cool, what is not.
Let's focus on the models. on what Society is telling us that represents the people. Models.
I will not be talking about sizes, because there are a plethora of articles that cover that.
Pictures say a thousand words, they say.
Well when we see pictures of models what goes through our mind? Or even supermodels?  And Those who walk the runway.
I ask myself, why aren't they smiling? Aren't they happy to be alive?
 Why do they always look so mad or upset or apathetic or in despair?
I have heard the answer of, "they are not trying to draw attention on themselves but rather on what they are wearing" And I understand that for those supermodels that wear such things that make you question as to wear you would ever wear that to?
But how about the models in the magazines that promote clothing to actually buy and wear?
If you look at their facial expressions, they look serious, upset, mad, angry, seductive and I simply do not understand.
I see no life in those photos. I only see how this can lead to the mindset of despair and indifference.
Our society is all about indifference, about showing no feeling, showing nothing but that we are apathetic.
I see no joy, no life.
Our faith calls us to be the opposite of that. We are called to laugh, love, share joy, hearts, tears, struggles.
That is why we are so confused. Because our faith calls us to step out of our comfort zone.
How will one spread joy and peace if you look mad all the time? I do not understand one bit.
Granted, perhaps walking around with a smile twenty-four seven might seem a little strange, but give off an air that is hopeful and approachable not one that looks like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
When I see pictures of models, I pity them because I wish I could see their smile because I am sure it is ten times more beautiful than the glare they give to the camera.
These blank-stared photographs that are being taken everywhere in social media aren't attractive to me. They give me a feelings of despair, of not caring. Granted, I understand that they show much emotion. I am not condemning all photographs but those photographs that have life are more interesting.
It is not even just models or photographs,but they way we carry ourselves when we are running errand. Walking by, not even acknowledging the people we pass by, what happened to hello and good days. No manners, no respect, no life.
We live in a world where we are taught by society to only care for ourselves. We are great students.  It will not kill for one to smile at a stranger, or a simple hello won't damage you. If you promote happiness, then live it. If you promote good vibes, then give off good vibes. Practice what you preach.

Comfortably, and preserverence

In the moments that we are dry in our prayer, it is then that we have to persevere the most.

Sometimes I question why.

We must never be satisfied with our prayer life we must always strive for more, more dying to oneself, more mercy, more everything.

If we begin to be satisfied in our prayer life, grow in complacency then we will not strive to perfect our relationship with Christ, there is always more that can be done.

The times we are dry are the times we must try the hardest.

If we stand idle, we aren't moving forward. 

We can say that we are Christian, but if we are not living out our faith in the sense that we are doing everything Christ-like, What good is that?

This means to love. Love one and all, through good and bad.

We must grow in tolerance. We must be uncomfortable. Pope emeritus says We were not made for comfort. 

If talking to the cashier is uncomfortable, do it more. Smile to strangers, lend out a helping hand, you may think this is ridiculous and not so life changing but it does make a difference. 

The thing is that we life in a world where it is "all about me" and selfishness is our societies motto. No one helps another. 

Holding the door open for another person is rare, and putting yourself first is the norm. 

A simply conversation, smile, or lending hand is Christ-like.

This is how you show love.

Do not let your emotions control your actions, how you treat others or your entire day. 

Just because you got off on the wrong side of the bed doesn't mean that all you come in contact with that day need to suffer for it.

Our past mistakes and sins have a reason::

I often find myself wondering in frustration how the Lord will be using my struggles in my past mistakes  to glorify him in the future

The damage is done I know I still have the scars in my hunting memory.

And I don't understand fully how the Lord will use that in my life to bring others closer to him.

We may never know how The Lord will use the good and the bad in our lives for his greater glory.

Mass: The Eucharist and I.

Those who know me in theatre know that I cannot cry on cue. I have tried and yes there are ways to make one but I cannot do it on the spot. I have to try very very hard to.

With that being said, I am over all a very emotional being and some would say empathetic. 

Certain subjects bring me to tears.

The Eucharist, is one of them.

Perhaps this Is my paranoid self but I feel as if some Christians judges others when it comes to Mass. Perhaps some think that they go out of their way so other can see all thier good deeds.

When I am at Mass, it is for me. It is for Christ. I am not there to impress others, to "show how holy I am" but rather show how weak I am and how much I am in need of Christ's love and mercy.

The Eucharist, I am in fear of. 

Sometimes I react in such ways that people may not be used to. 

But I am receiving a kiss from the lover of my soul. I am overjoyed. 

I am simply showing the emotions my soul is experiencing.

And sometimes I am embarrassed at how I react because I don't want people to think I am "putting on a show" for others to see. 

I honestly feel as if Christ made it for me to not be able to cry on cue so that O may cry for him. In joy, in overwhelmingness,and in sorrow. 

But my purpose at Mass is to be in one with Christ. 

I will try to not concern myself with others judgments for as long as I know what I am soon is right and just then I will continue to glorify The Lord in how he has allowed me to.

One thing to never give up on:: Hope

There was a time in my life when I had no direction, I didn't know my purpose and I was frightened and scared senseless. I didn't know what I was afraid of, I was only afraid. Maybe it was failure maybe it was never being loved. And this was ignorant because if only I allowed Christ into my life then I would be comforted by the fact that I was neither. I wasn't a failure nor was I not loved. One thing that I think many people do not strive or cling onto enough is hope. 

Despair lingers in the air waiting for its moment to latch onto us like a leech. And once we are in despair in any situation it always slithers it's way back into our mind. 

Despair is like poison.

we do not recognize the severity of it but it sucks joy and life out of us. 

In hope, we know there will always be something for us, Christ's love. 

In despair, it is as if we have walked into our very own black hole that is impossible to get out of. 

We fall and fall deeper into these negative thoughts and our thoughts become our actions and soon we become lethargic because we believe we are good for nothing.

Granted, I am not promoting that we will be always happy, joyful and filled with hope or reason in life but in Christ's love we can turn to always and know that our life has purpose and meaning.

The thing is that, in this world it is difficult to hear the comforting whispers of God.

With society screaming into our ear, silence is hardly ever experienced. ( I'll go deeper into this in another article)

In the world's eyes, your purpose in life is somewhere along the lines of working, being known, making your mark on this earth, being loved by all, successful, achieve something great, etc. 

Yet if in the process of achieving this,we fail it is as if the whole world is falling apart, we go through an emotional tornado, lose our direction our purpose and all seems lost. 

Our anchor is on Christ, on the cross so we find all we need. Our purpose, our worth, our love, our everything.

One glance at the cross it might change your entire life.

Loving others

My heart breaks. Every day. For different reasons.

Love isn't supposed to be easy.

You must love when the person is most unlovable. You must love when all you want to do is draw back.

Come out of your comfort zone.

We are supposed to call each other onto holiness.

Find one another's faults by pointing them toward Christ.

Realize we are all sinners, no exceptions.

We need to fix grudges and cold hearts.

Recognize we have weaknesses.

Love them anyway, continue to correct them.

Happiness and Suffering

There was a time in my life where I would not allow myself to feel happy. That may sound ridiculous and it was! Here was my naive logic reasoning behind it.

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If I allow myself to be happy, I knew it wouldn't last. I was running on an emotional high. And someday I would go feel low. Now not only would I feel low but the illusion that everything was perfect would fade. 

If I allowed myself to feel happy it would only force me to come to terms with the reality that something bad would happen soon because happiness does not last.

That would mean I would get hurt or feel pain. I tried to avoid that at all costs.

And the reason was because I did not recognize the beauty of suffering.

I attempted to avoid suffering. 

Now going back to happiness. happiness  is a beautiful feeling to expirience. And yes suffering is inevitable but when we are happy, we should allow ourselves the grand pleasure of feeling happy because The Lord wants us to feel that way. He gives us these small or big pleasures in life to appreciate them and be grateful for it. So if a sunset makes me happy, then by golly I will be happy because The Lord made the sunset for me to know his love and rejoice in all his goodness.

In the midst of darkness I was not alone

Lately I hve felt a dryness, a sense of loneliness which is common in a spiritual journey. I know better than to base my relationship with Christ off emotions but lately it's been more difficult.

Yesterday I was able to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. 

And it was beautiful knowing that though I am a sinner I am loved.

Christ will never forsake me, his love covers all sin.

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Christ draws near to us despite the dirt on our souls, despite the darkness we dwell in and the grave we bury ourselves in. 

We keep ourselves in a dark corner huddled and cradling our sin all we have ever known and think the weight of it ours. Christ yearns to rid us of our burden./Come to me all who are weary  and burdened and I will give you rest Matt 11:28/We choose to ignore His love that he offers us. He is always there in the midst of darkness; we are not alone. 

Inside my yearning soul::

I want to travel , yes the world but also the journey of my soul. And truly my soul is tickled whenever it goes for I know that Christ Is always present guiding my path. And all that is before my eyes are a gift from the One above. Everyday is a new adventure, the choice is up to me.Will I continue to glitter my days  with positivity or will I strip my days of colour with negativity? 

Morning thoughts

The beauty of life is all around me in the earliest sun rays and in the last glimpse of light in the night sky. Life is so full and alive with passion, we exsist for passion.

But our passions become disordinate when we blind ourselves of the mediocracy of this world. We fool ourselves to think this will suffice whe. We weren't made for satisfaction. We were made search. We can be satisfied in our continued search. We must always be constantly looking or we will miss our life right before our eyes. We must search not simply for anything but for love, for light and joy. In everything and anything. Capture every moment and make the most of it. Do not analyze or try to understand but simply accept.

 Our hearts were made for Christ, only him because in a sense He isn't tangible our hearts yearn, ache and search. We are quenched and received before the Blessed Eucharist but we were made such exquisite creature that we cannot be idle as humans. Our goal is to glorify Christ with out life in all we say and do. 

The trees and flowers glorify God by simply being. We were made for so much more than standing idle. 

Oh, How the world Is paradox! They say to achieve happiness you must do only for yourself though it is when you do for others that happiness finds you. We are so busy looking to achieve happiness as if it's tangible or materialistic. However it is a state of mind, a way of living, and thinking. Anyone can be happy by simply 

Cleaning their soul of dirt and negativity and truly recognizing all the good in their life.

Mile and miles to go

I have discovered that training is no easy thing.

Sometimes we tend to put ourselves in a commitment that we don't recognize how difficult it may be. 

I have to wake up every morning before work and get my run in. This is difficult because I feel as if my summer is no fun because I have to sleep early. Or the fact that I can't stay up until one in the morning because I have to wake up in five hours.

But it is not about the present but the future. 

We must be willing to put in hard work, sacrifice, suffering and all our efforts to attain what we want. Who said life was all fun and games? People have this mindset that life should not have to be difficult or hard. When situations start becoming difficult they back out. You grow in those moments. How do you expect to if you aren't tried.

We must work hard to reach our goal. Whatever it may be.

The journey is difficult but the accomplishment, priceless.

I am anticipating the day I cross the finish line and think to myself, I did it. I did it.

To live is a grand thing.

To live is a grand thing. Something splendid. And many think that living means adventure. Many think living has to reach a specific standard that is unspoken among society.

Many thinking living is giving themselves away. Giving themselves away to one and all, so they do.

Living is simply being present in each moment and giving everything into every little thing so that you can say you gave it your all. Whether that be caring for little ones or climbing mountains. If your heart and soul are in it, who is to say that it is not living? 

We think in order to live life we must accomplish something grand. Well living in itself is grand. A beautiful gift. An accomplishment. Whose standards are you living by, yours or the world's?

Many believe that in order to live you must feel that you are living.

You will not always feel. Emotions are a blessing. Hold on dearly to them and recognize that you are experiencing something new but if no emotion comes to you, that does not make you invisible. Feelings come and go. They are unstable. Life is more than emotion.

So live, to your greatest potential. For it is a grand thing, to live.

The power of past tenses

I have loved you says the Lord|| Mal 1:2

He used past  tense-have loved- indicating he already did.  It was an action already performed. What does this mean? Should't he love us? In present form? Yes, yes he should and he does. His love is beyond past, present and future tense. It is never ending. What he means is that despite and during all our times when we were in darkness, all the times we betrayed him, offended him, hurt him; he loved us still. Through all the chaos we put ourselves through believing God was never there, in

reality we were pushing Him away- his love never ceased. Behind the have loved are all the times we chose sin instead of God. This is his power and love. So the Lord is a fighter.

 Imagine a battle scene and at the end of the battle, the bad guys have been defeated. Christ, our fighter, all wounded, bleeding, comes toward us,embraces us and says "I have loved you" -though you were the one that set the army before Him to fight he has at last reached you and you have let Him in. Stop fighting. Stop revisiting your past. He has loved you. 

6.25.14

A breather.

There's more to life than feelings. There is more to life than break ups, and boys and this thing we call love. There is life beyond what you believe there to be.

Stop and look. Stop and breathe. Stop and observe.

Life is among us.

The breeze in the trees let's us know we are alive. The rays of the sun shine down upon our face and give us new life.

 Enjoy what is around you, and live.